According to the Mayo Clinic, between 10 and 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage; though the number may be even higher due to extremely early losses that may go unnoticed. These facts mean that many, many women have experienced this painful tragedy. If you or a friend are currently dealing with a loss, we have some helpful tips that may help you to cope and heal.
1.Talk to a Friend Who's Been There
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Nothing can prepare you for how deeply you feel the loss of a pregnancy—it's something you have to experience in order to understand. Talking to somebody who has been through it can help you feel supported and understood.
2. Let People Know If You Don't Want to Talk
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If you have a group of acquaintances, faith group members, or coworkers with whom you don't want to have to talk about your loss, choose one person you trust to talk to people ahead of time. Ask your representative to let everyone know that you appreciate all of the support, but that other than an, "I'm sorry," you're not willing to discuss it more.
3. Join a Support Group
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Online support is easy to find, like in the Mom365 Community. Search around for a group or forum that seems to have like-minded moms to help support you no matter the time of day or night. If online isn't your style, call your local hospital to see if they have a pregnancy loss support group. And you may want to also explore short or longer term individual therapy to get through this tough time. Keep in mind that you'll understandably be re-triggered emotionally should you get pregnant again; you'll need support then too.
4. Name the Baby
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Don't be afraid to give your baby a name. If it feels right to you to choose a name, it can help you to feel more connected to the child who could have been. Even if you're not certain what the gender would have been, think on it and trust your intuition. Even if you don't share the name it can help you process your loss better.
5. Have a Memorial
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You don't have to hold a large service, but you can have one by yourself, with your spouse, or with a few close friends or relatives. Acknowledging your loss and formally saying goodbye to the baby you could have had can help you to heal. You can also choose to have a memorial item like a necklace, tattoo, scrapbook, or picture instead.
6. Keep a Journal
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There may be times you'll have big emotions that you don’t know how to share. Writing down your feelings can help you relieve the stress and sadness that you're carrying with you. Use a journal to be completely honest and vent about anything you want without judgment.
7. Prepare for Ignorant Comments
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Many people think they are being well-meaning, but some comments can be more hurtful than helpful when you're experiencing a loss. Being prepared for these times can help you through it. When a friend says, "it was probably for the best," having practiced a response like, "I appreciate that you want to comfort me, but this baby was wanted and loved," can make it easier for you to cope.
8. Take Time Off
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Take the time you need to recover. Miscarriage is both a physical and emotional process. If you feel like you'll do better getting right back to work, then go for it, but if you need time, don't feel guilty taking it.
9. Pursue Testing
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If you've had more than one loss, or if your loss was after 12 weeks, pursue testing with your healthcare provider. Some undetected conditions or genetics may contribute to repeated losses. There may not be an answer, but if there is, it may help you maintain future pregnancies and/or give you peace of mind and understanding.
10. Make a Plan to Try Again
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While nothing will ever replace the baby you've lost, knowing that you have a plan for the future can help you recover. Discuss how long you should wait with your healthcare provider and talk to your partner about when you both want to try again. Figure out how much time you think you need to get emotionally ready to be pregnant again, and try to find ways to cope with the potential anxieties that come with being pregnant after a loss. Someday soon we hope you'll have your rainbow baby in your arms.