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10 Things Lesbian Moms Want You to Know


When you meet or hear about a family with two mommies, you may have questions about what it's like to be a gay mom, or whether or not it's more difficult on children of same-sex couples. But you also might know it's not respectful to ask a ton of intimate questions!

So we've gathered 10 things gay moms want you to know about them--from whether it's OK to ask "Who's the dad?" or "Where'd the baby come from?" (no and nope!) to how kids of lesbians tend to fare in life and more.

1. Gay Doesn’t “Rub Off”

two lesbian moms posing with their kids

We’ve heard the whispers and the concern—but don’t worry—there’s no proof that our children are any more at risk of becoming gay than your children are. While some research shows that children of gay parents are more open to exploring same-sex relationships, there is no difference in the percentage of how many of our kids are gay compared to kids of straight couples. Remember, most of us had straight parents and that didn't rub off on us.

2. Our Kids Call Us Mom, Too

two lesbian moms going on a walk with their son

For some reason people often ask us about what our kids call us. We know it can be confusing for straight people when there are two moms, but that doesn't mean that our kids don't call us both Mom. Sometimes one of us is Mom and our partner is Mama, but really, we're both the mom and that's OK. If you're in doubt, just refer to both of us as our child's mom and they'll let you know if they call us something else.

3. We Worry About Bullying

two lesbian moms and their son at a park

Of course we worry about it—we're parents, too. While we do hope that you're also raising your children to respect differences, we know that children can be cruel sometimes. If your children come to you with concerns or questions, we hope you'll tell them that you'll answer them tactfully and frankly. We're not ashamed of our relationship and hope that you teach your children that our family is different, not unnatural.

4. Neither of Us is "The Dad"

two lesbian moms and their daughter at the beach

We know for some people it's hard to imagine a family without a male figure, but since we're both women, neither of us is a father-figure. We each have our strengths and weaknesses, just like any other parent, but being a dad isn't one of them.

5. Research Proves Having Same-Sex Parents Isn't a Detriment

two lesbian moms playing with their son on a bed

Slate Magazine was kind enough to summarize 71 studies from the last 35 years; they all prove that there are no harmful effects from having same-sex parents. While you will also be able to find research that says otherwise, those studies are typically funded or underwritten by biased, faith-based, anti-gay organizations.

6. Some Studies Even Show Our Kids Might Be Happier

two lesbian moms kissing their baby

We don't want it to be a contest, but current research suggests that our kids might actually be happier than kids raised in a traditional family. They think the key is the way that same-sex parents tend to push children toward their skill sets instead of toward gender stereotypes—leading to harmony within the family, and greater health and overall happiness.

7. It's Impolite to Ask Where Our Children Came From

two lesbian moms posing with their kids in a park

Our children are ours, no matter how we had them. Some moms choose donor sperm—either from strangers or somebody they know; some moms adopt. Either way, it's not a polite casual conversation topic—especially if we hardly know you. Honestly, this is a rule for straight moms of kids you're not sure they're biologically related to, too. If we bring it up in conversation then a few simple questions might be OK, but in general, it's not a topic that matters. We're busy doing mom things, just like you.

8. Our Children Have Male Role Models

a young girl posing with her male teacher

We know it's important for children to have positive role models of all genders. We do our best to be great role models for our kids, and we point out good men, too. Our fathers, grandfathers, brothers, neighbors, police or firemen, teachers, and coaches are among some of the many men that our children come in contact with. Not having a father in the house doesn't mean that there are no good examples in our children's lives.

9. We Don't Have an Agenda; We Just Want to Live Our Lives

two lesbian moms posing with her son

Our family isn't a political statement, it's a group of people bound together by love. We don’t want or expect to be treated any differently than anyone else. We deserve the same rights and privileges as other families, and that's it.

10. We Love Our Kids as Much as You Love Yours

two lesbian moms posing with their son

The most important thing to us is our family. We love our children just as deeply as you love your own. We don't look at ourselves as strange or weird; we're just a family like yours, except we have two moms.

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