The Top 10 Things Moms Need to Stop Bragging About

Posted by Morgan Benzian

  1. How easy breastfeeding is. I don't think I need to elaborate on this any further.
  2. How soon your newborn slept through the night. You just wait, girlfriend. You. Just. Wait.
  3. How quickly you got back to your pre-pregnancy weight. Also? We don't need to know the precise number the scale reads thankyouverymuch.
  4. That your barely-there toddler used the potty. Once. You might want to wait until you have been accident-free for at least 3 months before you start claiming potty-trained status. Heck - you might even want to wait until they are in high school to talk about it.
  5. Where your child falls within the growth chart. Maybe it's just me, but I really, really, really don't care how above average your kid is. Plus, if you ask me, those charts are all out of whack.
  6. Your toddler's sophisticated palate and/or all-organic diet. I think it's awesome when moms pay attention to the foods their kids eat, and if your toddler is cuckoo for kale chips, then yay for you. That doesn't mean that there isn't a time and a place for a chicken nugget. And if you have never had a Happy Meal kind of day, then I'm not sure we can be friends.
  7. How your toddler went right to sleep the first night they used a "big kid bed." You get a double hit if you announced this "victory" on Facebook after just one night. You know who you are.
  8. How long you breastfed for. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Breastfeeding is NOT a competitive sport. Whether you put your baby to the breast for one day, or one thousand, it's nobody's business. Let's not worry too much about what other people do with their breasts, mkay?
  9. How much you love staying at home with your kids. Motherhood is a marathon, not a race, and some of us are just trying to come out the other end alive. Contrary to popular belief, these don't have to be the best years of your life. Personally, I am saving those years for when Ryan Gosling and I are finally able to publicly display our love for one another.
  10. That you homeschool your child. If you feel it's your calling to stay home and teach your kids, great. Call me crazy, but sometimes the idea that my kids are going to be somewhere for an entire day where they will be taught, fed, and cleaned up after, is the only thing that gives me hope for the future. I think homeschooling is a great choice for certain families, but I'm pretty sure the experience would end with me being committed to a mental institution. What are you sick of moms bragging about?

 What are you sick of moms bragging about?


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