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21 Funny Quotes About Being a Mom

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Motherhood is serious business—which is why it's so important to laugh about! Get your giggle on with 21 humorous—and wise—quotations about mama-ing.

Phyllis Diller

a modern looking home

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

Lisa Alther

an airport work guiding a plane

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.”

Buddy Hackett

a young woman looking unhappy at her food

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”

Florida Scott-Maxwell

a woman giving her mom a shoulder massage

"No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement."

Erma Bombeck

two women looking at a laptop screen

"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."

Milton Berle

a young woman doing some multitasking

“If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?"

Roseanne Barr

a woman meditating while her kids run around crazy

"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom."

Ambrose Bierce

a mom holding her daughter on a chilly day

"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

Chinese Proverb

a young mom holding her baby's head against her own head

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."

Peter De Vries

a mom in a car with her kids

"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after."

Calvin Trillin

containers of food sitting in a fridge

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”

Dorothy Parker

a family pose together at their dining table

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

Dave Barry

a young boy dribbling from his mouth

"If you were to open up a baby's head―and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should―you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."

Leo J. Burke

a young family lying in bed together

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."

Vicki Lansky

a young boy crawling away from his mom

"You will always be your child's favorite toy."

Erma Bombeck

two young girls playing around

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."

Tina Fey

a young mom holding her baby while working on a laptop

"I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.

Ed Asner

a young mom multitasking

"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare."

Author Unknown

a mom looking distressed

"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life."

Jewish Proverb

a mom checking on her sleeping daughter

"God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers."

Carrie Latet

a woman holding her tiny baby's feet

"My mom is literally a part of me. You can't say that about many people except relatives, and organ donors.

 
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