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6 Questions about Partnership Parenting: with Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett

By Jill Caryl Weinerpartnership parentingWhat are the keys to raising confident, dynamic children - and also building a strong relationship with your partner? According to Drs. Marsha Kline Pruett and Kyle Pruett, it’s all about respecting the differences in your child-raising approaches. The couple, who have four children and are leading researchers in the field of co-parenting, are the authors of "Partnership Parenting."

Everybody comes to parenting with his or her own family history, expectations and 'mom' or 'dad' style. We bring all of this to a job that each of us cares passionately about. So when we disagree with our partners on, say, whether the baby should be left to cry or not, there are bound to be fireworks," says Dr. Marsha Pruett.

The Pruetts' model of shared parenting comes out of research showing that children benefit from the sometimes conflicting parenting styles of moms and dads -and relationships benefit from the negotiations that partners enter into when they try to work with each others' different styles. Their book includes quizzes, tips and insights for parents who want to explore this model.

We asked Marsha Pruett to tell us more:


What difficulties do moms and dads run into when they try to share the job of parenting?



Women often want to make men into their equal partners. They want men to step in, but often they want everything done their way. We’re all guilty of sometimes saying, “Honey, can you do this - but this is the way I want you to do it.” And then getting frustrated when things are done differently. Maybe the baby's been out later than you would have liked, or she isn’t wearing a coat and it’s cold outside. So the mom winds up telling the dad how he’s disappointed her, and then the man withdraws from parenting because he’s feeling like he’s not getting it right. And if that happens enough times, he starts feeling like he’s walking on eggshells. All this creates anger and smoldering frustration, and if it isn’t dealt with, it begins to pile up for both parents and then it can come out in an explosive fight.

Partnership parenting is about each spouse having respect for the other’s style and also for the difficulty of parenting. It’s asking, How do we parent in a way that is together but not equal - because equal is not efficient? How can we be efficient and also feel really good about the chances each of us has to do what used to be separate men’s and women’s work? How can we best divide up work and family and still keep our love at front and center of our relationship?




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