Romance Plan for it
“Romance? What romance? It's all about the baby. And when the baby goes to bed, she's too tired to baby me. I miss my mate!”
Is this your lament? Do you feel that your partner has been spirited off and replaced by a mother? Well, you're not alone. As you've come to realize, having a new baby in the house is an all-consuming time and energy magnet for both of you.
Unlike a lot of dads, though, many mothers are totally immersed in the world of feeding, burping, changing, wiping, holding, feeding, burping... the never-ending cycle of baby care. This motherhood immersion may be so overwhelming that some moms find it difficult to acknowledge their partners’ presence - even once the baby has gone to bed. After giving so much to the baby all day, many new moms simply say that they have no more left to give anyone else.
Take heart; love is infinite, and your partner can love you and the baby with all her heart and soul. She'll just need your help to express it. Your job is twofold: You have to take a major role in baby care and housekeeping duties, and you have to be the one who reintroduces romance. You must know by now that spontaneity has gone by the wayside, so planning is the key to keeping life sane.
Here are some practical ways to get Mom into the mood.
Believe it or not, doing the laundry can help your wife feel loved! We’ve found over the years that the little things are what make a difference in helping couples feel mutually cared for and respected. Run the vacuum, hold the baby while she takes a shower, do a myriad of other little chores - it's all less tedious when it's shared.
The feet! Do the feet! Giving your wife a foot rub can ease her stress and improve her comfort. She's probably been uptight and pacing a lot because of the baby's colic or just all the things she's been trying to accomplish.
Dim light, candles, flowers. These are the little things that will help make the dinner you just prepared even more special, although it may be interrupted several times by a crying baby. If you don't have time (or the skills) to cook, order in - but don’t forget the candles and the flowers.
Give her some time to regroup. Every new mother has to learn to shift between her Mom identity and her Me identity. Your partner will figure it out; in the meantime, she’ll be ready to give you more of herself if you don't pressure her to do so.
It's all in the greeting. When you come home, tell her how much you missed her before you run off to see the baby. Yes, the baby is beautiful, and you're eager to see her; but give your partner the first kiss!
This information is not a substitute for personal medical, psychiatric or psychological advice.